1) My First Post: A Hypothesis

Red Seinfeld is a contributing volunteer “citizen-columnist” for his town’s local Record Pilot. He writes weekly musings on culture, technology, and the humorous ups and downs of single fatherhood. He is 54, divorced, and teaches Environmental Science at Northport Middle School in Long Island, New York. He loves the color Brown.

OK, PARENTS, HERE’S YOUR SEINFELD POP QUIZ FOR THE DAY: What’s Twitter? How about Google? MySpace? Wiki-peedee whosie whatsie?

Look, this 54-year-old Environmental Science teacher remembers seeing things move fast (Keith Richards’ fingers, anyone?), but today’s technology is a whole other ballpark frank.

Folks of my generation can attest, it can be nearly impossible to keep up with the new-fangled computer mumbo jumbo all the talk show hosts gush about each morning.

I'll be the first admit I’m no Felix the Clever Cat when it comes to home computers, beepers, and baby monitors - local residents have likely spotted my 1992 aqua blue Astrovan with its “I’d Rather Be Whittling” decal displayed prominently on the passenger-side window. Becoming stuck in this “Digital Web” the Regises and Ellens of the world have been going on about simply does not hold up to a day at the duck pond, crafting fine, commemorative train whistles.

 

Read 'Er & Weep

…Or does it?

As loyal Seinfeldians – my readers - will recall, I’ve typed my weekly column from my 3rd floor attic for the past 13 years. I park myself behind the same trustworthy personal typewriter that I’ve owned since my time as a continuing education student at Devry University.

So, while picking up my 7-year-old Matthew from his Tiger Schulmann’s Youth Karate Training Facility last thursday, it came as quite a shock to hear the following words exit his orange Gatorade-stained lips:

“Doctor” (I’ve trained him to address me as his superior), “what’s a ‘tyyype ryyyderrr’?”

Sweet Saint Agustus, my son was finally learning to put sentences together (Good Boy!). But also, had the word “typewriter” really never entered Matthew’s cauliflowered, 7-year-old ears? How could it be, that the same mature toddler who Googles & Lycos’s his way through countless meals despite my tireless, full-throated screams could not recall the fundamental text printing tool of our time?

Could it be that for Matthew’s generation, the computer has replaced the typewriter as the dominant, most efficient tool for word-processing?

Honestly, I don’t think so, I can’t see it.

But…maybe?

Look, I’m not one to embrace the idea of change, the notion of adapting, nor the theory of human evolution for that matter. However, this episode involving my son has opened my eyes. Maybe I could at least try to explore the Computer and InterNet, and see what all those morning talk show hosts rave about after all...

Seinfeldians, I invite you to join me on a journey in exposing ourselves to all the 21st century has to offer. Let’s try it on for size; see how it fits on our balding, overweight heads (life’s too short, folks–we have to be able to laugh at ourselves)!

I hereby pledge to open myself to popular culture and the mysteries of new technology, and each week, report back to you, my loyal readers. Hopefully, my experiences may serve as a guide to helping you move successfully along the road to tomorrow.

So plug in folks! Let’s explore! See you next week!